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November 15, 2011

Debt Collection

Title: Debt Collection Genre: Action Draft: Third Length: 107 pages Logline: Ex-CIA operative Merritt Stone arrives in a small village in Nigeria to learn the identities of the men who stole his sister’s life savings. There, he discovers a much…

Posted by D. B. Bates on November 15, 2011 3:47 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

July 4, 2011

‘The Milkman’ Demo

As those of you who rate enough to be a Facebook friend, I’ve been working on at least one new song (actually, a slew of them) called “The Zimbalist Thing,” an ode to Stephanie Zimbalist that gradually becomes a paranoid rant about my fear of her tough-as-nails FBI agent father. I had hoped to have a demo up today, but I find it excruciatingly difficult to write song lyrics unless they’re pornographic disasters, so I got nothing. The music is done, the melody’s done, and I have one and a half verses and the first line of the chorus. I won’t share anything in such an embryonic state, so deal with it.

Read "‘The Milkman’ Demo" »

Posted by D. B. Bates on July 4, 2011 12:54 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

October 21, 2010

Time Wasters

Title: Time Wasters Genre: Comedy/Sci-Fi Draft: Second Length: 117 pages Logline: An unemployed musician tries to make ends meet by taking a job at a fast-food restaurant. He’s quickly reassigned to the company’s research labs, where he’s assigned by a…

Posted by D. B. Bates on October 21, 2010 3:31 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

August 10, 2010

Going Home Again

Title: Going Home Again Genre: Romantic Comedy Draft: Third Length: 111 pages Logline: Washed-up rock star Girth McDürchstein returns to his hometown of Cedar Rapids, Iowa, to prevent his high school sweetheart from marrying. Click the image to download the…

Posted by D. B. Bates on August 10, 2010 3:49 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

May 21, 2010

Objects in Mirror

(Written with Tarini Anand) Title: Objects in Mirror Genre: Romantic Comedy Draft: Second Length: 110 pages Logline: A cynical rock journalist must team up with the obnoxious brother of a newly anointed pop star in order to save her career….

Posted by D. B. Bates on May 21, 2010 3:38 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

December 4, 2009

Enraptured

Title: Enraptured Genre: Comedy/Horror Draft: Fourth Length: 117 pages Logline: When a geeky high school senior fails to find a date for the prom, he joins a Satanic cult hellbent on bringing about the Rapture — getting rid of all the goody…

Posted by D. B. Bates on December 4, 2009 3:41 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

July 6, 2009

Disappear

Title: Disappear Genre: Thriller Draft: Third Length: 121 pages Logline: A pair of siblings hide out in Chicago while they try to expose the government organization responsible for a military assault that killed the entire populous of their rural town….

Posted by D. B. Bates on July 6, 2009 3:44 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

June 6, 2009

The Paper Man Rides On

Title: The Paper Man Rides On Genre: Comedy Draft: Third Length: 112 pages Logline: A struggling high school student finds a mentor in an aged Paper Man, Chosen One of an ancient order of newspaper deliverymen. Click the image to…

Posted by D. B. Bates on June 6, 2009 3:35 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

June 5, 2007

Man Is It Sweaty!

Click the image for a larger view. Man Is It Sweaty! by Abysmal Crucifix Per usual, I thought it would be funny to defy the obvious and make this song about literally being hot and sweaty, and the consequences…

Posted by D. B. Bates on June 5, 2007 9:54 AM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

March 25, 2007

Alcohol Night

Click the image for a larger view. Alcohol Night by dbbates “Alcohol Night”:At some point — I can’t remember why I had the idea, but I manufactured backstory for it — it became canon that a song called “Meeting the One” from Girth…

Posted by D. B. Bates on March 25, 2007 9:54 AM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

March 21, 2007

Rolling in It

Click the image for a larger view. Rolling in It [Album Version] by Abysmal Crucifix “Studio Version”:I’ve long been obsessed with Nigerian 419 scams, because they’re the most dangerous form of hilarity on the planet. Long before I wrote…

Posted by D. B. Bates on March 21, 2007 9:54 AM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

March 18, 2007

Star Sex

Click the image for a larger view. Star Sex by Abysmal Crucifix Another homage to the Beach Boys’ Love You. This time, the inspiration is the song “Solar System.” The lyrics describe the act of a star birth. I…

Posted by D. B. Bates on March 18, 2007 9:54 AM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

March 7, 2007

Sax on the Beach

Click the image for a larger view. Sax on the Beach by Abysmal Crucifix Source of inspiration: on choir tour senior year of high school, we stayed at a nice resort hotel on one of the arms of the…

Posted by D. B. Bates on March 7, 2007 9:54 AM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

March 5, 2007

Two Berries on a Twig

Click the image for a larger view. Two Berries on a Twig by Abysmal Crucifix During the summer of 2007, I became convinced one of my ex-girlfriends had been parking outside every night from midnight to four in the…

Posted by D. B. Bates on March 5, 2007 9:54 AM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

March 2, 2007

Put It Where It Doesn’t Belong

Click the image for a larger view. Put It Where It Doesn’t Belong [Album Version] by Abysmal Crucifix Electric:You might think this is another song about anal sex, but you’re wrong. It’s actually an anti-immigration song focused on the…

Posted by D. B. Bates on March 2, 2007 9:54 AM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

February 19, 2007

Buena Vista Street

Click the image for a larger view. Buena Vista Street by dbbates During the same period I wrote “Vlad,” I wrote a song for the abandoned break-up album about a guy driving from one end of Burbank, California, to…

Posted by D. B. Bates on February 19, 2007 9:54 AM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

December 19, 2006

A Very Abysmal Christmas

A Very Abysmal Christmas by Abysmal Crucifix A year after launching the Abysmal Crucifix blog to promote a screenplay and double-album nobody but me cared about, I decided it needed fresh blood — new music. I started going back and recording…

Posted by D. B. Bates on December 19, 2006 9:54 AM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

August 18, 2006

The Tragedy of Cyril Ivanovich Abramovsky and Vlad, the Also Impaler

Click the image for a larger view. Original Recording:I had a lot of downtime while working at Motorola, so I used to go down to the cafeteria, study for the LSAT, and write song lyrics. I decided I wanted…

Posted by D. B. Bates on August 18, 2006 9:54 AM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

January 28, 2005

Annunciation!

Title: Annunciation! Genre: Comedy Length: 8 pages Draft: Second Logline: An angel of The Lord promises an unhappy, alcoholic couple a child — if they can clean up their act. Click the image to download….

Posted by D. B. Bates on January 28, 2005 2:53 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

November 2, 2004

A Bed of Ice

Title: A Bed of Ice Genre: Comedy Length: 5 pages Draft: Second Logline: While waiting in line at a butcher shop, a lonely woman is flattered when a man starts flirting with her. Click the image to download….

Posted by D. B. Bates on November 2, 2004 2:56 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

March 15, 2004

Blight!

Title: Madame Bovinia Genre: Comedy/Experimental Length: 11 pages Draft: Second Logline: Disenchanted with her home life, a young woman wanders off to the big, bad city and gets more than she bargained for. Click the image to download….

Posted by D. B. Bates on March 15, 2004 2:49 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

January 13, 2004

Der Kristall Der Flüssigen Erfrischung

Title: Der Kristall Der Flüssigen Erfrischung Genre: Comedy/Stylistic Parody Length: 11 pages Synopsis: Inexplicably written in the style of Mary Shelley, Love Boat captain Merrill Stubing writes to his sister about a crash and a talking manatee. Click the image…

Posted by D. B. Bates on January 13, 2004 3:23 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

January 12, 2004

The Greystoke

Title: The Greystoke Genre: Drama Length: 28 pages Draft: Second Logline: After the death of her mother, a woman struggles to forge a real relationship with a crush-stricken coworker. Click the image to download….

Posted by D. B. Bates on January 12, 2004 2:48 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

January 3, 2004

The Foot

Title: The Foot Genre: Comedy (Structural Parody) Length: 47 pages Synopsis: A disgruntled shoe salesman finds the foot of a beloved college football place-kicker in a bowl of Jell-O. While he tries to hide the foot, place-kicker Peter Franklin tries…

Posted by D. B. Bates on January 3, 2004 3:07 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

December 17, 2003

Giant Cockroach

Title: Giant Cockroach Genre: Comedy Length: 6 pages Synopsis: Awake and uncomfortable in his latest sexual conquest’s filthy apartment, a young man decides to masturbate while leering at her naked body. Click the image to download….

Posted by D. B. Bates on December 17, 2003 3:21 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

Gus Stanton, Cowboy of Malevolence!

Title: Gus Stanton, Cowboy of Malevolence! Genre: Comedy/Western Length: 6 pages Synopsis: During a difficult cattle drive, one cowboy tells his companions the story of killing an English sheriff in the boomtown of Gold Town, Arizona. Click the image to…

Posted by D. B. Bates on December 17, 2003 3:16 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

November 12, 2003

Caroline, No

Title: Caroline, No Genre: Comedy Length: 5 pages Synopsis: Kids say the darndest things, especially when one boy asks out his best friend’s obnoxious cousin during the world’s most awkward Thanksgiving dinner. Click the image to download….

Posted by D. B. Bates on November 12, 2003 3:26 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

November 5, 2003

The Stupid Things We Do for Love

Title: The Stupid Things We Do for Love Genre: Comedy Length: 7 pages Synopsis: A nurse contemplates murder when he falls in love with a comatose patient’s wife. Click the image to download. …

Posted by D. B. Bates on November 5, 2003 3:03 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

September 10, 2003

The Love Switch

Title: The Love Switch Genre: Romantic Comedy Length: 5:29 Specs: 16mm, color, post-sync sound Synopsis: After his release from a mental institution, an unstable young man falls in love with his light switch. Commentary: This is the only student film…

Posted by D. B. Bates on September 10, 2003 9:49 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

August 14, 2003

Abuse: The Movie

Title: Abuse: The Movie Genre: Drama/Experimental Length: 3:03 Specs: 16mm, color, post-sync sound Synopsis: A young man grapples with terror at the hands of domineering women in his life. Commentary: I had this idea in my head that I could…

Posted by D. B. Bates on August 14, 2003 10:01 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

December 17, 2002

Pima Road

Title: Queen of the Castle Genre: Comedy Length: 5 pages Synopsis: Juvenile delinquents get chased into the depths of a Phoenix sewer tunnel after innocently hurling rocks at passing cars. Click the image to download….

Posted by D. B. Bates on December 17, 2002 3:12 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

December 10, 2002

Queen of the Castle

Title: Queen of the Castle Genre: Drama Length: 4 pages Synopsis: A seemingly innocuous action from a little girl takes on symbolic meaning as it shifts the balance of power between parent and child. Click the image to download….

Posted by D. B. Bates on December 10, 2002 3:10 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

December 3, 2002

The Many Pleasures of the Female Form

Title: The Many Pleasures of the Female Form Genre: Comedy/Western Length: 3 pages Synopsis: A depressed cowboy shares the story of his parents’ unconventional romance. Click the image to download. …

Posted by D. B. Bates on December 3, 2002 3:05 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

November 25, 2002

Girl in Faux Leopard-Fur Jacket

Title: Girl in Faux Leopard-Fur Jacket Genre: Dramedy Length: 6 pages Synopsis: A young woman contemplates returning to her abusive boyfriend, until another man starts flirting with her. Click the image to download….

Posted by D. B. Bates on November 25, 2002 3:19 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

November 19, 2002

When Edison Came to Stay

Title: When Edison Came to Stay Genre: Comedy Length: 6 pages Synopsis: After he’s killed in a lab accident, a disciple of Thomas Edison finds himself working a grueling afterlife job distracting intelligent people with the inane conversation of others….

Posted by D. B. Bates on November 19, 2002 2:58 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

October 22, 2002

Thieves in the Night

Title: Thieves in the Night Genre: Thriller Length: 5 pages Synopsis: Two men kidnap a young boy for unknown but almost certainly nefarious reasons. Click the image to download. …

Posted by D. B. Bates on October 22, 2002 3:02 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

October 15, 2002

Letter to Thomas

Title: Letter to Thomas Genre: Comedy Length: 3 pages Synopsis: A murderously enraged man writes a letter to his best friend as he gets drunk in a small-town bar. Click the image to download….

Posted by D. B. Bates on October 15, 2002 3:14 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

October 12, 2002

A Chance of Rapture

Title: A Chance of Rapture Genre: Comedy Length: 28 pages Synopsis: A devout farmboy meets God at a rural bar and asks Him to save his terminal sister. God agrees, on one condition — the farmboy must join forces with a handful…

Posted by D. B. Bates on October 12, 2002 3:28 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

July 5, 2001

Rejection (a.k.a., Sexual Anguish)

Click the image for a larger view. Rejection by dbbates Oh, joy! A weepy-stringed, experimental, hip-hop, jammy sonic collage designed to express, in sound, the emotions that go along with rejection from the fairer sex. Despite the pretension of…

Posted by D. B. Bates on July 5, 2001 9:54 AM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

March 16, 2001

The Love Song of Gregor Samsa

Click the image for a larger view. The Love Song of Gregor Samsa by Abysmal Crucifix Original Recording:This is the first original song I ever recorded. Prior to this, I had dabbled with experimental instrumental songs, but this was…

Posted by D. B. Bates on March 16, 2001 9:54 AM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)