CANOGA PARK, CA—All right, everyone. We’re going to go around the room, and I want to see an honest show of hands from the men in the audience: who thinks double-penetration is erotic? I didn’t think so. So why is it that the adult industry, over the past few years, has forced DP down our throats like so many tumescent cocks? What began as a strange fetish secreted in the darkest corner of the adult industry has become nigh unavoidable.
Let’s look at the facts. The only thing gayer than an MMF threesome is actual gay porn. An MF duo with anal might seem a little bit gay, and while I admit I don’t much enjoy anal myself, not even I can deny that some men simply prefer it, and it has less to do with latent homosexual impulses than with alarming fetishistic inclinations often brought upon by childhood traumas—men use it to announce sexual power, not to express their craving of throbbing man-wood. But let’s think about the recipe for gay porn: (1) anal sex, (2) two penises. So, whether a woman is present or not, double-penetrative MMF threesomes fit the bill.
With the millions of men in the United States with deeply repressed homosexual tendencies, often manifesting as a hate or fear of “the gays,” wouldn’t you think DP is actually contributing to the financial losses plaguing the adult industry? If I hated or feared homosexuality, the last thing I’d want to look at is two men engaged in something tantamount to a cock swordfight. Whether or not a woman’s vagina is present on the screen, the image of two engorged rods duking it out for superiority would scar my homophobic brain forever, and I’d engage in a quest to seek out only couple scenes or, at worst, MFF threesomes. No orgies, no fellatio parades—just one penis per scene, preferably seen only in the presence of a female mouth or vagina.
As somebody who is not personally offended by DP, I confess I still don’t enjoy watching it. It’s just too busy and impersonal, watching two men grope and groan as they struggle to work themselves into comfortable positions without their scrotal sacs accidentally touching, desperately trying to avoid eye contact or anything else that would create the impression of homosexuality. That level of awkwardness and emotional distance is neither erotic nor arousing. From the ground up, DP is a complete disaster.
Where did this industry-wide lust for DP come from? The audience certainly doesn’t clamor for it. Producers have dulled the cinematic landscape into what can only be described as a midwinter of cocks. The aching cold of this penis-filled world has numbed them to the fact that DP is not what their audience wants. We’re eagerly awaiting a spring thaw. I seem to be the only adult reviewer willing to say it, but believe me, producers, your audience agrees with me. Eliminate DP! Give us a springtime of pussies!