Since people are often clamoring like stray dogs on the back stoop of a butcher shop, desperate for some definitive proof that I am, in fact, a human being who exists and is actually fallible, here’s a little-known factoid about my existence: I, the great filmmaker, have never, ever felt comfortable directing. Granted, I haven’t made many films, and I’ve only taken five shots of my grand, as-yet-incomplete chef-d’oeuvre, but I’ve done enough up until this point to realize that directing is not exactly my bag.
There are a few reasons why. The most notable is that I simply don’t like ordering people around. I do enjoy flying off the handle and shouting profanities at people, but that’s a whole different thing. I don’t feel comfortable when it comes to saying, “I will put the camera here, I will put the lights here, the actor goes here and does this during the shot.” I always get this nagging feeling of unpreparedness or general incompetence, like every decision I am making is incorrect, despite the fact that everything turns out all right.
But now…now, things are different. Thanks to my experience working as an actor and being directed, and seeing how badly others can do things, I feel like the most competent, confident filmmaker in the history of the universe. I am three Alfred Hitchcocks, a half-dozen Orson Welleses, and a Billy Wilder or two.
So I guess that’s one good thing about this project.