1. What’s one thing you’ve always wanted to do, but never have?
I’ve always wanted to keep an aluminum baseball bat in my car, so when some fucking cocksucker does something really inappropriate like drive 10 under or cut me off (or cut me off and then go 10 under), I can follow them, and then at the next light, bash all his or her fucking windows in.
That’ll learn ’em!
2. When someone asks your opinion about a new haircut/outfit/etc, are you always honest?
I am generally honest. Brutally honest. Unnecessarily honest. I am a horrible monster.
3. Have you ever found out something about a friend and then wished you hadn’t? What happened?
Yes. It seems like every few months, people start confiding horrible secrets that they haven’t told anyone else. I guess I’m trustworthy like that. But then, it’s like I become a partner in crime because I’m the only one who knows, so I’m always getting this extra secret information that I don’t want to know.
Most recently, that all happened with The Cheat, which is weird because I barely even knew him.
4. If you could live in any fictional world (from a book/movie/game/etc.) which would it be and why?
It’s weird, because the only stuff I watch/read/play that isn’t directly set in what is supposed to be the real world, it always creates a fictional universe that is a horrible, horrible place to live. So I wouldn’t really want to live in any place, except maybe the magical Mushroom Kingdom with Mario and Yoshi.
Or possibly Vice City, just for the fun of it.
5. What’s one talent/skill you don’t have but always wanted?
That magical and elusive coordination between hand and eye that one needs in order to actually hit a baseball with a bat. I don’t think I’ve ever hit a baseball since I played T-ball in preschool. And even then, it was a challenge.