The Crush Archives

August 29, 2003


[I found myself getting misty-eyed and depressed yesterday. Despite the misery and irritation of getting the actual work done, this class is the most fun I’ve ever had (academically) in college. I really didn’t want it to end, and I prolonged it by hanging around with my classmates afterward for a few hours. But, man, leaving pretty much bummed me out. Especially since Gina’s gonna be out of town for a few weeks.

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Posted by D. B. Bates on August 29, 2003 5:12 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

August 28, 2003

Why I No Longer Actively Pursue Relationships

I met the future Ex a little over a year ago. A general education requirement threw us together; otherwise, we probably never would have met. Okay, maybe we would have, but it’s somewhat unlikely. She’s a music major; I’m a film major. We don’t really mix well, or at all, even though I used to be a music major.

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Posted by D. B. Bates on August 28, 2003 10:29 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

August 26, 2003

The Ex and the Pretty Boys

Last night, The Ex appeared on Instant Messenger. Although our long-standing policy of not acknowledging one another’s existence unless it involves public humiliation has not prevented me from removing her from my Instant Messenger buddy list, I just can’t seem to totally drop her from it. So, there she sits, at the very bottom. Maybe I should create a new category for ex-girlfriends whose screen names I have. Or maybe I should take her off altogether.

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Posted by D. B. Bates on August 26, 2003 1:04 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

August 16, 2003

The Party

I hate parties.

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Posted by D. B. Bates on August 16, 2003 2:04 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

August 10, 2003

How High

I got kind of stoned last night. It wasn’t really planned, but I’ll get to that. I’d been thinking it’d be good, just for the relaxation. I’ve been so stressed this summer, and not just because of my class. Of course, every time I thought, “Gosh, I need the ganja” (yeah, I usually do think in those terms, believe it or not), I also thought, “But I’ll only feel all right for an hour, and then I’ll just feel more nauseous, paranoid, and confused than usual.” And that’s not really cool. But that first hour is nice.

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Posted by D. B. Bates on August 10, 2003 10:38 AM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (1)

August 8, 2003

The Long Day

We’re allowed to reserve cameras for two days a week, but the tricky thing about the summer is that the film cage is closed on Fridays, so if you reserve on Thursday, Friday is a freebie (in the sense that it doesn’t count as one of your two days) and you don’t have to turn the camera in until Saturday morning.

You can also do what they call “scamming.” They’ll hold reservations until a certain point in the day, and after that, any Joe Schmoe with no reservation can show up and say, “Give me a camera” and get it, assuming they have the equipment (they do in the summer).

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Posted by D. B. Bates on August 8, 2003 9:47 AM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

August 6, 2003

Adult World

The story of my film, for those who didn’t know, is that an insane guy falls in love with a light switch. I decided to incorporate in this film an idea I had in Production I that I was going to do for my two-minute film but decided just to abandon. The story of that film is that a guy is getting ready to go on a date with a girl, so he gets himself off on a blow-up doll…and then gets stuck in it. The reason I never shot that story was that I could never think of a convincing motivation for the guy to not just jerk off. There’s no sense in trundling out an inflatable doll to do the job of a malodorous fist.

That said, I thought it would be amusing if the reason for the main character being sent to an insane asylum had to do with him getting caught with a blow-up doll hanging from his cockadoo. That way, no motivation is really required; he’s just crazy. When I couldn’t think of an ending, Gina one-upped that so that the happy ending involves the light switch transforming into a blow-up doll.

That meant I had to get two blow-up dolls. Which meant I had to go to a porn shop. Which I’ve never done before. And will never do again.

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Posted by D. B. Bates on August 6, 2003 11:07 AM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

August 1, 2003

Editing Excitement

In which weak will, sexual attraction, and a rare enjoyment of friends causes me to haul my ass into the city and hang around doing nothing for seven hours.

Posted by D. B. Bates on August 1, 2003 7:20 AM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

July 26, 2003

Kenosha Kickers

Last night was some major fun! There’s nothing more exciting than Kenosha on a Friday night! Also, I am lying. Sitting around in my underwear, watching While You Were Out, is a more exciting way to spend my Friday night.

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Posted by D. B. Bates on July 26, 2003 2:15 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (4)

July 24, 2003

Sync Shoot

We do our sync shoot, and I don’t elaborate on it at all, but it’s a fun and difficult experience.

Posted by D. B. Bates on July 24, 2003 12:00 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

End of an Era

Finally. Finally, finally, finally. Three weeks late, our editing project is finished, turned in, and screened (well, most of them, anyway). We had all reached a point where we were just sick of it. Several of us, after putting the finishing touches on our sounds, didn’t even watch it through once to make sure everything was right. We just said, “Fuck it,” and put it on the video.

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Posted by D. B. Bates on July 24, 2003 11:25 AM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

July 15, 2003


We’ve been working on an editing exercise for the past six weeks. It’s sad that we’ve spent six weeks working on a project that we didn’t even shoot ourselves, and we’ll have to divide the remaining six weeks up to conceive, plan, shoot, record, and edit our two- and five-minute films — but hey, I didn’t write the syllabus!

Read "Cheaters" »

Posted by D. B. Bates on July 15, 2003 9:19 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (1)

Film School Mayhem

We’ve reached that point in the semester where everyone’s dreams of making the best shitty 16mm film have been dashed, and now everybody is concentrating on simply getting the work done. I can’t tell you how many times since Thursday I’ve heard Production II’s new mantra, “I don’t care anymore; I just want it over with.”

That said, most of us have bonded together. The whole film school competition thing has been thrown out the window, and everybody is trying to work together as much as possible to get these shitty little movies made.

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Posted by D. B. Bates on July 15, 2003 10:02 AM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

July 5, 2003

The Mighty Rasta

I haven’t mentioned, mainly because I haven’t been blogging lately, that there was a new addition to my Production II class in the second week of class. I have no idea what his name is, but Dale took to calling him Rasta because of his white-man attempt at dreadlocks. I immediately added “Mighty” to that, naming him after the guy who plays Terry Tate, so I figure it’s an appropriate nickname for the ol’ blog. However, I’m lazy and “The Mighty Rasta” is a lot longer than “Rasta.”

Also, he is my enemy and must be destroyed.

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Posted by D. B. Bates on July 5, 2003 10:00 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

July 3, 2003

Hooray for Independence!

Today was actually pretty fun. We had a lighting lecture that was different from any other I’ve had (I’ll explain why eventually): after about two hours of actual lecture, we actually lit stuff. But this wasn’t the normal lighting exercise bullshit, where you’re tossed a Lowel kit and are told to test out all the different lighting positions and shit. We actually went to one of the lighting stages, where all the cinematography majors hang out, constructed a makeshift, three-layered set in about 15 minutes, and then divided into three groups to light and block each layer.

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Posted by D. B. Bates on July 3, 2003 9:30 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

June 19, 2003

Lecture Week

This week, our professor went out of town for reasons that obviously aren’t any of my business, so we had guest-lecturers on Tuesday and today. The guy who came in on Tuesday gave the best sound lecture I’ve ever heard (and I’ve heard a lot), so he’s pretty kick-ass.

The guy who came in today tried to go over stuff that we’ve already gone over, or stuff that we will be going over soon (according to the syllabus), so he really didn’t have much of a lecture. Then, we spent about 30 minutes learning the ins and outs of the digital editing lab. Seeing 25 brand new G4s hooked up through A/V systems that would make baby Jesus weep, assuming baby Jesus was a computer geek and/or film editor, got me pretty excited. I am a tremendous geek.

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Posted by D. B. Bates on June 19, 2003 8:40 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

June 11, 2003

If Only the Professor Were Mark Harmon…

Yesterday was the beginning of a new era in my college experience, one of trying frantically to get into as many summer school courses as I could so I can graduate some time before 2018. Of course, it’s me here, so obviously the two classes I desperately needed were either full or canceled, thus ensuring that everybody on the planet will soon be able to use the following exchange from Tommy Boy:

Chris Farley (for the purposes of this analogy, me): “A lot of people go to college for seven years.”
David Spade (any human being who will ever speak to me): “Yeah, they’re called doctors.”

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Posted by D. B. Bates on June 11, 2003 8:12 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

May 29, 2003

Last Day

I finished my last class, so I can cast off the shackles of the oppressive dictatorship I call college.

For one week.

But today actually wasn’t so bad. I sold back my books and made a whopping $117.25. Wow!

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Posted by D. B. Bates on May 29, 2003 7:29 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

May 28, 2003


We took our humanities final today, being that it’s the last day of class. It was tougher than I expected it to be, but I don’t think I did too badly. Not nearly as bad as The Crush — but, of course, she went home sick last week before our professor told us what to review, and instead of calling me or someone else in class or studying everything we’ve done, she decided to do nothing and study nothing. This is why I like her: she is just like me, only not nearly as irritating or unattractive.

I decided not to go to politics after the final. We’d be watching half of Bowling For Columbine, which I’ve already seen and didn’t really like enough to want to see more than once, and while I did want to get my final back to see how I did, I really didn’t care enough to wait around, since I got out of humanities about 45 minutes early. The Cheat begged me to stay, but I pretty much told him to fuck off and left.

Read "Closure" »

Posted by D. B. Bates on May 28, 2003 7:54 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

May 14, 2003

Anonymous Letter

The Cheat handed me a CD-R. No case, nothing. Just a cheap, semi-translucent CD with something scrawled on it in black magic marker. He said, “This CD really sucks. You can have it.”

“What is it?” I asked. I thought, considering his taste in music, that I’d probably like it.

“It’s some Indian music,” he responded. “It’s really bad.”

“Indian music? Like Ravi Shankar?”

“No,” he said. “This is much worse.”

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Posted by D. B. Bates on May 14, 2003 4:46 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

May 8, 2003

In the Words of Ice Cube…

Today was a good day.

Or, more accurately (and surprisingly), it wasn’t a bad day. I wasn’t feeling particularly well, so I thought maybe I’d skip my screenwriting class. After a night that mainly involved me not being able to fall asleep until I figured out my game plan from here until graduation (which is likely to happen sometime before 2017), I assumed that screenwriting would be rotten. I was certainly well enough to go; I just didn’t want to. But I did, and I guess I’m glad I did.

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Posted by D. B. Bates on May 8, 2003 8:52 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

May 5, 2003


I got out of humanities around 11:50 today, and since my politics class is an arduous 13-foot trek down the hall, I had 40 minutes to kill before it started, and I was far too lazy to do anything kooky like leave the building. Instead, I sat outside my politics classroom and attempted to read. And failed, not because of illiteracy, but because of The Cheat.

Read "Album" »

Posted by D. B. Bates on May 5, 2003 11:08 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

May 4, 2003

Flirting with Disaster

When we left off, I was hanging in perilous female limbo in a McDonald’s located at the corner of Wabash Avenue and Jackson Boulevard in beautiful Chicago, Illinois. It is Monday, April 21st, 2003, and I have just received some pitiful advice from an acquaintance I have taken to calling The Cheat.

“So then what happened?” you ask with bated and somewhat foul-smelling breath.

Nothing particularly interesting. But I’m going to write about it anyway, because I can.

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Posted by D. B. Bates on May 4, 2003 10:39 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (4)

May 1, 2003

What a Week I’m Having!

It’s been about a week since my last legitimate update, and many exciting things have happened in the interim. Please note that “exciting” is used here in its false connotation. What I’m saying is that nothing interesting happened.

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Posted by D. B. Bates on May 1, 2003 7:32 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

April 24, 2003

Classy Week of Fun

I started out Monday night writing a really long entry about how shitty my Monday was. But I didn’t finish it. I continued to write it through Tuesday, but it was (1) really fucking long, (2) really fucking boring, and (3) I kept digressing to the point that the whole “bad day” theme was sort of ruined.

So just take my word for it: Monday was the worst day I have had in quite a long time. Tuesday wasn’t much better, but Wednesday turned out fairly all right. I had lunch with The Girl On Whom I Have an Enormous Crush But Am Too Much of a Pussy to Actually Ask Out Despite the Fact that She Has Clearly Been Sending Me Signs (hereafter, The Crush). That’s right: I strapped on a pair of artificial testicles and actually convinced her to go to lunch with me — strictly a friendly thing, of course, so we’d have time to talk and I could really gauge whether or not asking her out was a good idea.

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Posted by D. B. Bates on April 24, 2003 8:37 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)

April 14, 2003

Early Day and Shit

I was supposed to meet my little Humanities group an hour before class today, so we could figure out what the hell we’re doing for our project (which we apparently start shooting tomorrow — way to plan, us). Only myself and another guy showed up, which was kind of frustrating. But we got an assload done, so we should be sorta okay for tomorrow.


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Posted by D. B. Bates on April 14, 2003 9:58 PM  | Permalink  | Print-Friendly  | Comments (0)