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Measuring Girth

Title: Measuring Girth

Genre: Situation Comedy

Draft: First

Length: 31-page show bible, plus six scripts approximately 30-35 pages each

Logline: In mid-2009, a small subsidiary of an enormous television production entity tasked a harried young executive with a challenge: bring his bosses three “ready-made” series to pitch to a cable channel in need of original programming. Completely out of his depth, the young executive turned to his writer friends for help. One of these friends was D. B. Bates.

Over the course of four years, Bates had spent his spare time writing a blog chronicling the exploits of a fictional rock band, Abysmal Crucifix. By this time, the jokey misadventures of a single character had spawned an entire universe of oddballs and increasingly intricate storylines. It was both a blessing and a curse that literally nobody read this blog: a blessing in that adapting stories into television episodes would not be noticed, and a curse because the paltry number of unique visitors made it difficult to demonstrate such a weird project would have a built-in fanbase.

The pair pressed on, developing the idea together. They shifted focus from charismatic frontman Girth McDürchstein to his straight-woman foil, publicist Lacey Greenwood. The central conflict revolves around her efforts to remake Girth’s shattered public image, despite his resistance and pathological inability to understand why the outside world views him as a washed-up creep.

The “Measuring Girth” eBook begins with a show bible used to (unsuccessfully) sell the concept’s merits as a long-running, profitable television show. It also contains complete teleplays for six unproduced scripts for the show that never happened, written by Bates on spec after he agreed that complete scripts would enhance the selling points highlighted in the pitch and the show bible. His young executive friend agreed; the bosses didn’t.


First Draft—6/24/09

First Draft Polish—11/10/09

Click the image to download the show bible and six complete teleplays for just $2.99.

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