Author: Joe Jarvis & Kirk Ward
Logline:A millionaire woman throws out her “boy toy” of 10 years, and he has to re-learn how to live like a poor person while plotting revenge.
Synopsis:On the day he expects to become the common-law husband of millionaire TAMARA TINGLE, ROD DITMAR is tossed out with nothing. A glowering lawyer, CRAIG HOUSE, falsifies evidence to indicate Rod has merely been a lawn-mower. While on his own, an old friend, LANEY, takes pity on Rod. Although she’s engaged to Craig (a fact unknown to Rod), Laney has always had romantic feelings for Rod, and they haven’t gone away. She helps Rod plan revenge, discovers the truth about Craig, and in the end the start a romance while Tamara and Craig get their comeuppance.
Comments:The opportunity exists for a funny, interesting story about a lazy, immature man who is thrown to the wolves and has to fend for himself, trying to overcome incompetence and ignorance to get revenge against his enemies. Unfortunately, this script doesn’t tell that story. It misses a lot of comic opportunities by concentrating too much on characters that aren’t developed enough to care about (this includes Rod) and setting up gags that either pay off in obvious ways or don’t pay off at all.
A few of Rod’s one-liners are amusing, but they usually make his character unclear; in one scene, you have to believe he’s very smart and sophisticated, and in the next you have to believe he’s the dumbest person who ever lived. Good jokes could come naturally from a consistent, believable character put into these situations, but it often seems like the writers write the story around the jokes, rather than letting the jokes come organically.
Because Rod is designed as the comic centerpiece of the script, none of the other characters are allowed to be funny. This presents a problem in scenes that don’t involve Rod; they’re filled with expository dialogue and bland conflict, but they’re weak and lack entertainment value. The scenes with Rod aren’t much funnier, but at least there’s a slight effort made.
The writing isn’t good, but it’s worth a look because a good story can come from this premise; it’s just not there yet.