Posts in: January 2004

Losing Touch with Reality

I remember several months ago, I was walking down Van Buren Street, staring up at the el tracks like a dope, and thinking to myself, “I wonder if they actually filmed this in Chicago.” Which I often think of while watching movies that take place in Chicago, so it would have been a reasonable thought if not for the fact that, ahem, it was real life.

I had a similar experience this morning. My parents got me the Alien “quadrilogy” (hereafter “tetralogy,” since I only like to use made-up words when they’re not designed for people who are mentally retarded) for Christmas, so I’ve been watching the movies and documentaries in that collection for the past few days. Consequently, I have aliens on the brain. I haven’t had any nightmares, but this morning I kept having strange stomach cramps, and at one point, I thought to myself, “Oh God, this is it—it’s about to hatch.”

And then I thought, “You’re an idiot,” and took some Pepto-Bismol.

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The Foot

Title: The Foot

Genre: Comedy (Structural Parody)

Length: 47 pages

Synopsis: A disgruntled shoe salesman finds the foot of a beloved college football place-kicker in a bowl of Jell-O. While he tries to hide the foot, place-kicker Peter Franklin tries to recover his missing foot without alerting anyone to his Eastern European heritage. (A structural parody of Nikolai Gogol’s short story “The Nose.”)

Click the image to download.

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Somebody stole the U-Passes out of our office, supposedly. My general thought is they were just misplaced somewhere around our incredibly disorganized, messy office, but nonetheless, my boss reported it as a theft to security. Apparently they were stolen Tuesday, the 23rd, though I couldn’t recall physically seeing the U-Passes myself any time after the previous Thursday.

I was one of two student workers there on Monday and Tuesday. Neither of us stole them, and literally nobody came in those two days, so neither of us can even remember looking in the drawer to see if they were still there. It’s not like we actually care at all.

Personally, I find it sort of amusing that they disappeared. It sorta serves the office right for being utterly disorganized. We’re always losing shit, but this is the first time we’ve lost anything that’s been considered a big deal.

I’m glad I wasn’t horribly interrogated, as if I were guilty. It’s nice to have a level of trust, even though I haven’t been there very long. Basically, I was asked if I moved them; I said no. Then I was asked if I recalled seeing them before I left on Tuesday; I said no, but I didn’t even look. That was the end of it.

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The Death and Return of Oh Face

I vaguely recall mentioning that the infamous and illustrious Oh Face disappeared from work almost immediately after he began. It’s sort of become a running joke in the office as to whether or not he’s going to come in; he worked for about a week when he first started, and since then Oh Face has come in maybe three times total. Two of those times, he left early; three of those times, he came in late.

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I was sort of bummed Thursday because I got a fairly mediocre performance review from Jenna, who stopped in briefly and gave it to me. Like most evaluations on the planet, it had an assload of categories with a “rate 1 to 5” deal. I got straight 3’s, except for 4’s (above average!) “interpersonal relationships” and “punctuality.” I guess it shouldn’t bug me, even though it means I’m mediocre, because the sheet says “satisfactory,” which means that, even though I ain’t “outstanding,” I don’t “need improvement.”

I guess, overall, that’s not even what bugs me. The specific comments really frustrate me. Under “areas in need of improvement” (which, incidentally, contradicts her marking me satisfactory in the multiple-choice section), Jenna wrote, “needs to work on obtaining a better understanding of the job requirements and attendance.” Yowza, that smarts.

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Exes on a Train

I’m not fatalistic by any stretch of the imagination, but sometimes coincidences occur that make me sort of shudder, briefly contemplate the nature reality, and then dismiss it. One such fortuitous incident happened on Thursday night, after I got off work. I walked down to LaSalle Street, as I always do, and waited for a train at the Clinton station.

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The Greystoke

Title: The Greystoke

Genre: Drama

Length: 28 pages

Draft: Second

Logline: After the death of her mother, a woman struggles to forge a real relationship with a crush-stricken coworker.

Click the image to download.

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