The four-part Chaser saga, as reenacted by the Fanta Shokata Community Players!
Part One: I be into everything!
Part Two: J’accuse!
Part Three: Goodbye!
Part Four: The Final Confrontation
Yesterday, I wasn’t planning on going anywhere. Literally, anywhere. I was just going to stay home and do absolutely nothing. It was one of those mornings.
Then, I checked my VoiceMail and had a message from Gina, who wanted to edit. I had gone in on Tuesday and Wednesday, alone, and the result was that I had what approached a final cut. All I needed to do was record the sound effects and ambient stuff, and what video I did need to edit could be done in about ten minutes.
So, what did I do? I went down and edited. For seven hours. Despite the fact that I was done in ten minutes. Hooray!
1. What time do you wake up on weekday mornings?
2. Do you sleep in on the weekends? How late?
Sometimes. Ten a.m.
3. Aside from waking up, what is the first thing you do in the morning?
4. How long does it take to get ready for your day?
5. When possible, what is your favorite place to go for breakfast?
I’ve always enjoyed a good, old-fashioned, disgusting, greasy Sausage McMuffin & hash browns combo from McDonalds. I was actually thinking about going and get one this morning, since I haven’t had one in a long time, but I am pretty ridiculously lazy.
The last two nights, I’ve gone out with the girl I decided to name Lucy. We’re okay now—no need to fret, loyal fan—or, at least, closer to okay than we were last week. I apologized in my roundabout way, which mostly involved explaining in 50 words or less why I am a jackass.
It was nice talking to her again. It was like back in the olden days, when I could actually hold a conversation with somebody that didn’t revolve almost entirely around movies or video games. I don’t do that very often anymore. Oh well.
The story of my film, for those who didn’t know, is that an insane guy falls in love with a light switch. I decided to incorporate in this film an idea I had in Production I that I was going to do for my two-minute film but decided just to abandon. The story of that film is that a guy is getting ready to go on a date with a girl, so he gets himself off on a blow-up doll…and then gets stuck in it. The reason I never shot that story was that I could never think of a convincing motivation for the guy to not just jerk off. There’s no sense in trundling out an inflatable doll to do the job of a malodorous fist.
That said, I thought it would be amusing if the reason for the main character being sent to an insane asylum had to do with him getting caught with a blow-up doll hanging from his cockadoo. That way, no motivation is really required; he’s just crazy. When I couldn’t think of an ending, Gina one-upped that so that the happy ending involves the light switch transforming into a blow-up doll.
That meant I had to get two blow-up dolls. Which meant I had to go to a porn shop. Which I’ve never done before. And will never do again.
I don’t know if this counts, but a few weeks ago, I went to Kenosha. Whoo. It’s out of state, right?
We had a family funeral in Arizona a couple of years ago, very shortly after September 11th, when everybody was really edgy on airlines. One of the drunks in my family decided it would be in his best interest to arrive at the airport drunk and continue drinking while we waited for the plane and during the flight. At one point, he started making disturbing, gutteral noises and barking like a dog. The flight attendants threatened to have the pilot land the plane if he didn’t stop.
I don’t have a list of places to visit. I like it where I am. I don’t really think about traveling ever.
We’re allowed to reserve cameras for two days a week, but the tricky thing about the summer is that the film cage is closed on Fridays, so if you reserve on Thursday, Friday is a freebie (in the sense that it doesn’t count as one of your two days) and you don’t have to turn the camera in until Saturday morning.
You can also do what they call “scamming.” They’ll hold reservations until a certain point in the day, and after that, any Joe Schmoe with no reservation can show up and say, “Give me a camera” and get it, assuming they have the equipment (they do in the summer).
I got kind of stoned last night. It wasn’t really planned, but I’ll get to that. I’d been thinking it’d be good, just for the relaxation. I’ve been so stressed this summer, and not just because of my class. Of course, every time I thought, “Gosh, I need the ganja” (yeah, I usually do think in those terms, believe it or not), I also thought, “But I’ll only feel all right for an hour, and then I’ll just feel more nauseous, paranoid, and confused than usual.” And that’s not really cool. But that first hour is nice.
Specs: 16mm, color, post-sync sound
Synopsis: A young man grapples with terror at the hands of domineering women in his life.
Commentary: I had this idea in my head that I could make a really funny film satirizing the conventions of “artsy” student films, all of which brazenly defied the conventions of narrative filmmaking while strictly adhering to a new set of conventions (sort of like people who try to be “different” by dressing like every other goth/punk/whatever): incoherent editing, repeated shots, meaningless symbolism, pretentious voiceover, and themes of crippling gynophobia (sometimes misogyny leaked in, but 90% of the time it was utter fear of women, which hadn’t yet turned into hate).
Rewatching the film, I think it holds up better than my initial reaction. I wasn’t happy with it, in part because I ran out of time to add a lot of the “weird” symbols I had planned in my treatment. It mostly just turned into Coke product placement. I also wasn’t happy with it because it didn’t seem that funny; it seemed more like what I was satirizing than a critique of it. However, I now feel like it does have some pretty amusing moments (notably the absurd sound design—the brakes squealing on that passing car literally made me laugh out loud just typing it—and the button on the story about the old agoraphobic man). (Trivia: Careful listeners may realize my narration was an attempt to parody Ben Browder’s ultra-serious, vaguely pretentious narration at the beginning of the third and fourth seasons of Farscape. I love the show and think Browder is pretty great in it, but his narration always made me laugh.)
Click the image to download (MP4, 640×480, 1.5Mbps).
Regarding my current, whiny situation with Gina, I have been told many things by three people, but one sticks close to what I actually believe: “Stop being a pussy and make a move.” It makes sense. Either that, or I could continue being a pussy but at least shut the fuck up about it so as not to irritate or alienate my dear and gentle reader. But no, I decided that today was the day to make a move. Or, at least, to make the preamble to making a move, setting up a situation so that move-making will be in my favor.
The only problem: I made it on the wrong person.