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Survey I Stole from Jeff Before Killing Him in the Face with a Knife

I love these surveys.

→ Name: Gen’ral Stizzan

→ Birthdate: 1981

→ Birthplace: Northwest Community Hospital in luxurious Arlington Heights, Illinois

→ Current Location: Elk Grove Village, IL

→ Eye Colour: Hazel-esque (it seems to change depending on what I’m wearing, but if I’m wearing something that doesn’t make it funk-ay, they are hazel)

→ Hair Colour: Dirty blonde-ish

→ Righty or Lefty: Lefty

→ Zodiac Sign: Scorpio

→ Innie or Outtie: Shut the fuck up.

// series two – describe (On a personal aside, wtf is with all these “series” things? What is this, a BBC sitcom? Jesus Christ.)

→ Your heritage: Half-Irish, half-English…my joke is always that I’m constantly at war with myself; I like terrible jokes

→ The shoes you wore today: The only pair I own: black Vans

→ Your hair: Normal

→ Your eyes: Dead

→ Your weakness: Green eyes

→ Your fears: Dying alone, spending time in a federal prison

→ Your perfect pizza: Jake’s thin-crust cheese/sausage/bacon/onion/green-pepper…but they fucking went out of business, and nobody else has fucking good toppings, so I’m Mr. Plain Cheese now

→ One thing you’d like to achieve: Lasting happiness

// series three – what is

→ Your most overused phrase on aol\aim: It’s a dead tie between wtf? and omg (variations: omfg, oooooooooooooooomg)

→ Your thoughts first waking up: Am I dead?

→ The first feature you notice in the opposite (or same) sex: Eyes, smarts.

→ Your best physical features: My bulbous cock and my patchy facial hair.

→ Your usual bedtime: Between 12 and 1 a.m. unless I have to get up early

→ Your greatest accomplishment: Not dying

→ Your best memory: In fifth grade, our teacher completely lost control of the class and we spent an entire afternoon engaged in a full-scale spitball war that spanned both fifth-grade classrooms, and my team fucking won

// series four – do you

→ Smoke: No

→ Cuss: Yes, usually at inappropriate times

→ Sing well: Certainly do, bitch

→ Take a shower everyday: Every day I’m going out in public. If it weren’t for the fact that I occasionally need to leave the house, I’d probably live in my own filth. It seems like fun

→ Want to go to college: I’m in college, but I don’t wanna go here

→ Like high school: I loved it. I even have a soft spot for the shit I hated—overall, it was the best experience of my life

→ Want to get married: Yes.

→ Type with your fingers on the right keys: I don’t know what that means. Is that like the home rows? Because if so, no…but I always hit the correct keys because I’ve been typing pretty much nonstop since I was eleven

→ Believe in yourself: Sometimes

→ Get motion sickness: Never

→ Think you’re attractive: I’m a stud. I just wish I could convince women of that fact

→ Think you’re a health freak: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha…okay, I’m done. No, wait, hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

→ Get along with your parents: Absolutely

→ Like thunderstorms: Love them. There’s something peaceful about the chaos

→ Play an instrument: Yup

// series five – the future

→ Age you hope to be married: Tomorrow, if possible. Why, do you know someone?

→ Numbers and Names of Children: 7, all named after characters from Anne Rice novels

→ Describe your Dream Wedding: Gaytacular

→ What age do you want to die: I plan to live forever. In 50 years, we will have the technology to store our brains in computers and use them as sort of application programs, executing commands and existing in an entirely virtual, albeit “real” to the brain, world. Even though technically it will not be me, it will possess all of my thoughts, ideas, and memories, and I shall rule the world. Don’t steal my idea

→ What do you want to be when you grow up: Television writer

→ What country would you most like to visit: I don’t think I’d be all that thrilled leaving the country. Canada was cool, though. It was like America, only clean and with fewer bums (God bless free health care, and also the Queen)

→ Current Clothes: Stained undershirt and pajama pants

→ Current Mood: “Lazy”

→ Current Taste: Water (I just did a little dancin’)

→ Current Hair: Same as always, though it could use a trim

→ Current Annoyance: Stupid people who feel they have the right to talk or exist in this dimension

→ Current Smell: My fingers sort of smell like deodorant and Cheez-Its…it is not a good odor

→ Current thing you ought to be doing: Surprisingly, nothing. I think when I’m done with this, I’ll head on over to Vice City for awhile

→ Current Desktop Picture: That default OS X desktop picture. I used to have a really beautiful one, a satellite photo of the entire world at night (creating the illusion that the entire world is at night at the same time), but my .plist got corrupted and I can’t seem to find the picture anywhere on my hard drive, and I can’t seem to find that picture anywhere anymore

→ Current Favourite (wow, this is British, or possibly Canadian) Groups: Juliana Hatfield forever…she’s the only one who really counts, anyway

→ Current Book: Gone With the Wind by Margaret Mitchell.

→ Current DVD In Player: Akira

→ Current Worry: Whether or not I’m failing Aesthetics of Cinema and/or African History because of my…ahem…spotty attendance record

→ Current Crush: You wouldn’t want to know even if I told you…let’s just say it’s not who you’d think

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