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Don’t Blame Me, I Voted for Nader — No, Really!

I’m reading this article right now that sort of put things in a perspective I never really thought about. Basically, it’s about Bush and what a big fucking liar he is (and a bad, incompetent one at that), but people buy what he’s saying like the gospel truth. It also points out how, essentially, he was elected on the idea that he would restore truth and honor to the White House. I mean, he didn’t have a whole lot of government experience, he’s a total idiot, and his father was part of a few executive administrations that basically shot our economy into the toilet and unemployment into the stratosphere.

So now we elect Bush, the plainspoken hayseed who ran some oil companies into the ground before becoming the governor of execution in Texas and, eventually, the grossly unqualified leader of the free world. Bad move, America. The day that the 2000 election debacle was finally settled at Bush was declared the winner was the day I finally conceded that Canadians really are smarter than we are.

And he’s started lying. He’s not lying about relatively minor things like blowjobs in the Oval Office…I mean, by Christ, if I was getting blowjobs from somebody like Monica Lewinsky, I’d probably lie about it, too. But that’s neither here nor there—the fact is, Clinton is a liar. And he took a lie and ran with it, which was stupid. But in the grand scheme of things, his lie wasn’t such a big one. And in my not-so-humble opinion, that lie did not call into question every other word he’s ever uttered in the history of the universe. Hell, everybody know he was a slicker-than-oil-shit liar. What tipped us off? The fact that he was a lawyer, or the fact that during his election he tried to make the honest claim that he tried to smoke marijuana, but couldn’t quite figure out how to inhale? Or maybe just the fact that he was a politician? I mean, come on people…

Aaaaaaaaaanyway, Bush is lying about big things. Very big things. He’s decided that Saddam Hussein was behind the September 11th attacks, despite the fact that there is not one shred of evidence—not one, not even a little tiny sliver of toilet paper with the words “Hey Binny, knock down some buildings; your pal, S.H.” scrawled on it—to back up that bizarre assertion. Okay, I’m not running out and defending Saddam Hussein because he’s no peach himself, but that doesn’t make him responsible for the attacks.

And don’t give me that old “Maybe he knows things we don’t know” routine. He doesn’t know things we don’t know. Hell, he doesn’t even know what most of us glean from watching 30 seconds of CNN. He sounds informed in his rehearsed, pre-written speeches that are read from the teleprompter, but when he strays away from that, he comes out with things like, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me, uh, fool…uh, we can’t get fooled again!” No, seriously, he can’t even properly say one of the oldest clichés in modern English, and when he does botch it, he can’t pause, say, “Excuse me,” and start over because his pea-sized brain can’t handle the overhead.

65% of the people in this country are under the horribly misguided impression that Saddam Hussein was behind the September 11th attacks. This is something that was directly caused by Bush basically rattling off lies and assertions, but doing it in that clever Clinton way (thanks, no doubt, to his speechwriters and aides) so when he gets caught, he can get out of it without, you know, getting impeached. Okay, so maybe his writers are cleverer than Clinton…

And now we’ve got an economy that’s sagging to a point unmatched since—when? 1989? When somebody named George Bush Sr. was the President of the United States? Right…so how do we solve this economic crisis? Here’s a brilliant solution: ignore it and hone in on things like destroying Saddam Hussein’s stranglehold on…uh…nothing, and then continue to shout, “Whoo! Let’s spend some more money! Whoo! Whoo!” And sink our national debt into the quadrillions.

That’s what-doo economics? Anybody? Anybody? Voodoo economics.

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