Since the beginning of the semester, I have amassed (at last count) 132 pages from three different textbooks for single class, the History of Africa from 1885-present. Guess how many pages I’ve read since the beginning of the semester? My rough estimate is zero. I haven’t cracked a single goddamn book, and I’m starting to actually feel kinda bad about it. This complete lack of reading any actual assignments coupled with the fact that I’ve shown up for maybe five out of the ten class sessions. This is grossly insubordinate, and if the syllabus hadn’t contained the oh-so-magical phrase “more than three absences may lower your participation grade” as opposed to the normal Columbia standard of “IF YOU MISS MORE THAN THREE CLASSES YOU WILL BE TAKEN TO THE BASEMENT OF THE WABASH CENTER AND DROWNED IN A POOL OF YOUR OWN PUS-FILLED BLOOD,” I probably wouldn’t have missed so much class. But, come on, I can’t even understand what the prof is saying anyway. She has a heavy Liberian accent, and I just sort of sit there drooling and wondering what the hell is going on. Maybe it’d help if I read at least one assignment.